They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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