It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
