I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
