He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
