Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
