He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Even my vagina gasped.
Houston, we have a blender
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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