i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
