a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
