So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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