he puts the penis in happiness.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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