I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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