the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
