pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
