I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
