It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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