Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
