So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
