i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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