Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
