Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
