Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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