She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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