Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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