When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
