i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
