oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
