Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
