But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
