You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
