i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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