Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
