After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
