just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize