I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
