so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
