Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
