8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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