On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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