eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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