Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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