she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
