the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize