Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
