How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
