After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
