You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
