My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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