I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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