im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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