dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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