The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
