Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
