Will you blow on my dice?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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