does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
