You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
