im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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