he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She bit a glass in half.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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