What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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