the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
