dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am puke
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
