Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
