There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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