As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
