Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
