You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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