We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
