I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize