i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
