Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
