cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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