we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
