I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
