Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
