She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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