you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
