If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
