I'm so fucking centered right now
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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