He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
