At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
