me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
