Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
