you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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