It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
