just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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