Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
