well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
