my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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